Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
