my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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