Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
