I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
