i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize