Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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