she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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