Old men and throwing up are my life now.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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