highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
