I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
