You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
