note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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