I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
