Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
