I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
