I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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