My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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