Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
