When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
