guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think i have two assholes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
