she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
