I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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