In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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