we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
