im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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