Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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