Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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