i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
