how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
