Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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