i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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