Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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