12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
