Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize