Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
