Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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