i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
