Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
