Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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