Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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