Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
