U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
