whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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