Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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