Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
