I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
