you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
