Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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