In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We named our party play list daddy issues
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
