i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
