He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
