and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
