Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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