I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
