I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
