ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
