"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
