Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
