your thong is hanging out like whoa
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
