And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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