She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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