Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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