every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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