so let's talk penis.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
