I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
