I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
