im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
