Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was born a porn star she said
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We got so high we made milksteak
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
