My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
