Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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