wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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