How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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