Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
