4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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