I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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