Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
