Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
