hell yes lets make some ravioli
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
