I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize