thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
