I look better un-naked...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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